Man I Poop A Lot

Let me just get this out of the way………………..
I’m Vegan.

I poop a lot. I mean a lot a lot. Like if I don’t poop like at least 4 times a day then I’m like “huh, i must be constipated a little bit.”

Like I woke up at 9:30 and I’m about to go take my second poop.

Be right back.

Okay I’m back.

So yeah pooping huh.

I mean I don’t know. Before I was vegan I already spent a lot of time in the bathroom, but it was less frequent. Like I’d poop 3 or 4 times a day but for like 15 to 25 minutes each poop. Now it’s like 6-10 but for like 5-10 minutes each. So yay it evens itself out.

This is a shitty blog hahahaha
Get it cause it’s about shit.
And it’s the shootin the shit section.
I have a squatty potty too and that thing is amazing.
When I first got it I was like “well this doesn’t feel different at all” but kept using it anyway…now it’s like death when I have to poop in a public place where it feels like the toilet is about 100 feet in the air and I’m practically standing up pooping.

So if you don’t know a squatty potty exists because humans evolved to poop squatting, but then we made the toilet and decided sitting was cool…but now colon cancer is rampant and it’s primarily because people sit to poop and it kinks up your innards and messes em up. The squatty potty is a little stool (haha, stool) you put below your feet and it makes it more of a squatting position which is good for your body ya know and so yeah when I go out in public now my colon feels all kinky…and not in the good way and its really frsutrating. A squatty potty is kind of like a pinky toe. Feels useless until you lose it.
Or something like that.
I wipe with my left hand primarily if you’re wondering….which is funny cause I jokingly asked my buddy max which hand he wiped with and he told me right and I was making fun of him making up bullshit reasons why he shouldnt wipe with his dominant hand and then a couple years later he told me he changed the way he wiped because of that…and then I revealed I was bullshitting him
But yeah left hand cause most of the time I’m chilling on my phone with my right hand and then the toilet paper roll is on my left at my house so now it is what it is.
Boredom on the toilet used to never be a problem for me at all until I got my phone when I was 13. Since then though, using the toilet without my phone is borderline torture. I have a bunch of sudoku books at the head of the toilet now just in case my phone is charging or not wth me or something because sitting and shitting and nothing else has become one of the most arduous tasks for me….aghhh thinking about it just kills me.
May all your poops be pleasant and fast and single wipes. [insert poop emoji]




There are 3 comments on Man I Poop A Lot

The Pleasure. 2017. All Rights Reserved.